Complementarians and Martial Sex: The Jared Wilson / Gospel Coalition Saga

Tags

50 Shades of Grey, Complementarians, Denny Burk, Douglas Wilson, Egalitarianism, Fidelity, Gospel Coalition, Hard Complementarianism, intent, Jared Wilson, man penetrates conquers colonizes plants, marital sex, martial sex, psychoanalytic criticism, rape, Sex is What I do WITH my Wife, Soft Complementarianism, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, What it Means to be a One-Woman Man, woman receives surrenders accepts

The scandal started with this post by author and pastor, Jared Wilson, on The Gospel Coalition website, which features a quotation from author and pastor Douglas Wilson including the following description of what he considers is good, biblical sex: “A man penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts”.

(The post was since grudgingly removed by Jared Wilson, after a load of complaints.)

And then, following numerous expressions of outrage, Jared Wilson posted a defence of his quote from Douglas Wilson (also since removed):

Jared Wilson is a “Complementarian”, a euphemistic term for a group of Christians who support a hierarchy between men and women which, unsurprisingly, is in favour of men. Among Christian evangelicals, there is a rigorous ongoing debate between “Complementarians” and “Egalitarians”, the latter group opposing gender hierarchy, to some extent. While the Complementarian-Egalitarian division is the basic line of opposition, there are also – as Michael Bird and others maintain – various degrees of Complementarians, ranging from “Hard Complementarians” to “Soft Complementarians”. So Bird (Soft Complementarian) opposes Wilson (Hard Complementarian) … to some extent.

I tried to make clear that I don’t think the Wilsons are malicious or deliberately trying to liken martial [sic] sex to rape. But I think these comments are incendiary, needless, hurtful, unbiblical, insensitive, and do not help the complementarian cause.
– Michael Bird, Sensitive Soft Complementarian, “Sex is What I do WITH my Wife, Not TO my Wife: A Response to the Wilsons at TGC”, Euangelion, 18 July 2012

Let’s see, a man “penetrates”, “conquers”, and “colonises” a woman. I would make a guess that Douglas Wilson most probably sanctifies what many of us would refer to quite simply as “rape” as The Biblical View of Marriage. I truly believe that he is sincere in his belief; it’s just that Douglas does not begin to appreciate that his expression of divinely sanctioned sexual intercourse in fact condones and even advocates aggressive and violent sexual attacks on women. He just doesn’t see it. He undoubtedly also sincerely believes that what he describes would be what is best for women. But why stop with Douglas Wilson’s intent? Given Douglas Wilson’s use of a group of violent terms for sex (and despite his odd protests that the terms “penetrate”, “conquer”, and “colonise” can be used in really quite nice ways), it is obvious that we should read him with more than a little suspicion. For even though Douglas Wilson is speaking from ignorance, his words quite obviously do in fact liken marital sex to rape.

Or, to employ Bird’s malapropism from the quote above, what Douglas Wilson in fact advocates is “Martial Sex”. (Now there is the quintessential example of a Freudian slip!)

But Bird is not the only Complementarian stating that he disagrees with the Wilsons, while at the same time saying that we should really respect their honest intent. Here’s Denny Burk:

Egalitarians [e.g., McKnight, Held Evans, and Kirk] are out in full-force claiming that Doug Wilson, Jared Wilson, and TGC are openly supporting rape and abuse of women. If authorial intent means anything, then that is a slander. That is not what Doug Wilson meant, nor is it what Jared Wilson intended by quoting him. We can quibble over the language, but the false accusations need to stop.
– Denny Burk, Harder Complementarian, comment to “Sex is What I do WITH my Wife, Not TO my Wife: A Response to the Wilsons at TGC”, Euangelion, 18 July 2012

Denny Burk, Associate Professor of Biblical Studies at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, also wants to let matters rest with Douglas Wilson’s intent – which is, as noted, fairly much completely ignorant that what he is advocating amounts to rape. But whatever happened to critical reading? Surely an Associate Professor of Biblical Studies is capable of reading between the lines and … oh hang on, I see: “Southern Baptist Theological Seminary”. OK, well, then, I guess because Wilson said it, Burk believes it, and that settles it.

It is worth noting that Denny Burk makes the same Freudian slip as Bird, referring not to “marital sex” to describe Douglas Wilson’s views, but to “martial sex”. Ironically, this whole scandal first erupted when Jared Wilson got hot under the collar about the portrayal of B&D in the novel 50 Shades of Grey. But why is it that the (soft and hard) complementarians are the ones banging on about “martial sex”?

Yet I guess psychoanalytic criticism isn’t at the top of the teaching menu down at the local Baptist Seminary.

Further reading:

Complementarians
Bekah Wilson, “Them’s Fightin’ Words”
Nancy Ann Wilson, “10 Reasons to be Glad When Your Husband is Slandered”
Heather Linn, “A Note for Rachel Held Evans”
Douglas Wilson, “The Politics of Outrage”
Douglas Wilson, “Probably Not! She Thundered”
Douglas Wilson, “Cloacina, Goddess of Sewers”
Michael Bird, “Jared Wilson takes down TGC Post”

Others
Ryan K. Knight, “Doug Wilson on The Gospel Coalition: How Christian Patriarchy Turns Sex into Rape and Pregnancy into Slavery”
Grace, “Conquer, colonize, enslave: On redefining words and rewriting history”
Paul Burkhart, “The Gospel Coalition & Sex as Conquest: Jared Wilson, you’re better than this {1}”
Paul Burkhart, “The Gospel Coalition & Sex as Conquest: it’s still misogyny, however unintended {2}”
Rachel Held Evans, “Thank you, Gospel Coalition and Jared Wilson”
Rachel Held Evans, “Some final thoughts on The Gospel Coalition, sex, and submission”
Rachel Held Evans, “The Gospel Coalition, sex, and subordination”
Eric Reitan, “‘Benign’ Christian Patriarchy and 50 Shades of Grey: A Response to Jared Wilson”
Eric Reitan, “The Piety That Lies Between: A Progressive Christian Perspective”
Libby Ann, “Marital Rape? Doug Wilson on Dominance and Submission in the Marriage Bed”
Dianna Anderson, “The Writer’s Burden”
Scot McKnight, “Thank you”
Scot McKnight, “Take it down”
Eric Rodes, “50 Shades Of Circling The Wagons”
Sarah Over the Moon, “Rape: A Punishment for Egalitarians?”
Chaplain Mike, “Sex, Authority/Submission, and Remarkable Insensitivity”

Christian Terrorism, Dominion Theology, Theonomy, Reconstruction Theology, and Tea Parties

Tags

A Time to Kill, abortion clinic bombers, Chip Berlet, Christan terrorism, Cornelius Van Til, Crosswinds, Dominion Theology, End Times, Gary North, Greg Bahnsen, Hutaree militia, Jerry Falwell, Mark Jurgensmeyer, Michael Bray, Pat Robertson, Paul Hill, Reconstruction Theology, Rousas John Rushdoony, Tea Party, theonomy

The Return of Christian Terrorism
Mark Jurgensmeyer
15 April 2010

“… terrorism has returned to America with a vengeance… When members of the Hutaree militia in Michigan and Ohio recently were arrested with plans to kill a random policeman and then plant Improvised Explosive Devices in the area where the funeral would be held to kill hundreds more, this was a terrorist plot of the sort that would impress Shi’ite militia and al Qaeda activists in Iraq. The Southern Poverty Law Center, founded by Morris Dees, which has closely watched the rise of right-wing extremism in this country for many decades, declares that threats and incidents of right-wing violence have risen 200% in this past year—unfortunately coinciding with the tenure of the first African-American president in US history…”

“… In 1994, [Rev Paul] Hill, a Presbyterian pastor at the extreme fringe of the anti-abortion activist movement, came armed to a clinic in Pensacola, Florida. He aimed at Dr. John Britton, who was entering the clinic along with his bodyguard, James Barrett. The shots killed both men and wounded Barrett’s wife, Joan. Hill immediately put down his weapon and was arrested; presenting an image of someone who knew that he would be arrested, convicted, and executed by the State of Florida for his actions, which he was in 2003. This would make Hill something of a Christian suicide attacker… Hill framed his actions as those of a Christian warrior engaged in sacred battle. “My eyes were opened to the enormous impact” such an event would have, he wrote, adding that “the effect would be incalculable.” Hill said that he opened his Bible and found sustenance in Psalms 91: “You will not be afraid of the terror by night, or of the arrow that flies by day.” Hill interpreted this as an affirmation that his act was biblically approved.

“One of the supporters that Paul Hill had written these words to was Rev. Michael Bray, a Lutheran pastor in Bowie, Maryland, who had served prison time for his conviction of fire-bombing abortion-related clinics on the Eastern seaboard. … [H]e provided a theological defense of this kind of violence from two different Christian perspectives…

“The more significant Christian position that Bray and Hill advanced is related to the End-Time theology of the Rapture as thought to be envisaged by the New Testament book of Revelation. These are ideas related, in turn, to Dominion Theology, the position that Christianity must reassert the dominion of God over all things, including secular politics and society. This point of view, articulated by such right-wing Protestant spokespersons as Rev. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, have been part of the ideology of the Christian Right since at least the 1980s and 1990s….

“The Christian anti-abortion movement is permeated with ideas from Dominion Theology. Randall Terry (founder of the militant anti-abortion organization Operation Rescue and a writer for the Dominion magazine Crosswinds) signed the magazine’s “Manifesto for the Christian Church,” which asserted that America should “function as a Christian nation.” The Manifesto said that America should therefore oppose “social moral evils” of secular society such as “abortion on demand, fornication, homosexuality, sexual entertainment, state usurpation of parental rights and God-given liberties, statist-collectivist theft from citizens through devaluation of their money and redistribution of their wealth, and evolutionism taught as a monopoly viewpoint in the public schools.”

“At the extreme right wing of Dominion Theology is a relatively obscure theological movement that Mike Bray found particularly appealing: Reconstruction Theology, whose exponents long to create a Christian theocratic state. Bray had studied their writings extensively and possessed a shelf of books written by Reconstruction authors. The convicted anti-abortion killer Paul Hill cited Reconstruction theologians in his own writings and once studied with a founder of the movement, Greg Bahnsen, at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson, Mississippi.

“Leaders of the Reconstruction movement trace their ideas, which they sometimes called “theonomy,” to Cornelius Van Til, a twentieth-century Presbyterian professor of theology at Princeton Seminary who took seriously the sixteenth-century ideas of the Reformation theologian John Calvin regarding the necessity for presupposing the authority of God in all worldly matters. Followers of Van Til (including his former students Bahnsen and Rousas John Rushdoony, and Rushdoony’s son-in-law, Gary North) adopted this “presuppositionalism” as a doctrine, with all its implications for the role of religion in political life.

“Reconstruction writers regard the history of Protestant politics since the early years of the Reformation as having taken a bad turn, and they are especially unhappy with the Enlightenment formulation of church-state separation. They feel it necessary to “reconstruct” Christian society by turning to the Bible as the basis for a nation’s law and social order. To propagate these views, the Reconstructionists established the Institute for Christian Economics in Tyler, Texas, and the Chalcedon Foundation in Vallecito, California. They have published a journal and a steady stream of books and booklets on the theological justification for interjecting Christian ideas into economic, legal, and political life.

“According to the most prolific Reconstruction writer, Gary North, it is “the moral obligation of Christians to recapture every institution for Jesus Christ.” He feels this to be especially so in the United States, where secular law as construed by the Supreme Court and defended by liberal politicians is moving in what Rushdoony and others regard as a decidedly un-Christian direction; particularly in matters regarding abortion and homosexuality. What the Reconstructionists ultimately want, however, is more than the rejection of secularism. Like other theologians who utilize the biblical concept of “dominion,” they reason that Christians, as the new chosen people of God, are destined to dominate the world.

“Not all Reconstruction thinkers have endorsed the  use of violence, especially the kind that Bray and Hill have justified. As Reconstruction author Gary North admitted, “there is a division in the theonomic camp” over violence, especially with regard to anti-abortion activities. Some months before Paul Hill killed Dr. Britton and his escort, Hill (apparently hoping for Gary North’s approval in advance) sent a letter to North along with a draft of an essay he had written justifying the possibility of such killings in part on theonomic grounds. North ultimately responded, but only after the murders had been committed. North regretted that he was too late to deter Hill from his “terrible direction” and chastised Hill in an open letter, published as a booklet, denouncing Hill’s views as “vigilante theology.” According to North, biblical law provides exceptions to the commandment “Thou shalt not kill” (Ex 20:13), but in terms similar to just-war doctrine: when one is authorized to do so by “a covenantal agent” in wartime, to defend one’s household, to execute a convicted criminal, to avenge the death of one’s kin, to save an entire nation, or to stop moral transgressors from bringing bloodguilt on an entire community.

“Hill, joined by Bray, responded to North’s letter. They argued that many of those conditions applied to the abortion situation in the United States. Writing from his prison cell in Starke, Florida, Paul Hill said that the biblical commandment against murder also “requires using the means necessary to defend against murder—including lethal force.” He went on to say that he regarded “the cutting edge of Satan’s current attack” to be “the abortionist’s knife,” and therefore his actions had ultimate theological significance.

“Bray, in his book, A Time to Kill, spoke to North’s concern about the authorization of violence by a legitimate authority or “a covenental agent,” as North put it. Bray raised the possibility of a “righteous rebellion.” Just as liberation theologians justify the use of unauthorized force for the sake of their vision of a moral order, Bray saw the legitimacy of using violence not only to resist what he regarded as murder—abortion—but also to help bring about the Christian political order envisioned by the radical dominion theology thinkers. In Bray’s mind, a little violence was a small price to pay for the possibility of fulfilling God’s law and establishing His kingdom on earth.”

‘Christian Warriors’: Who Are The Hutaree Militia And Where Did They Come From?
Chip Berlet
31 March 2010

“On Monday, the nine members of the Hutaree Militia were charged with, among other things, ‘seditious conspiracy’… The incident has raised concerns over domestic terrorism and left many confused about Christian apocalyptic belief, which requires some basic history to sort out.  The Hutaree [hoo-TAR-ee]—which means “Christian warrior” in the group’s secret language—were preparing “for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive.” They believed that “one day, as prophecy says, there will be an Antichrist. All Christians must know this and prepare, just as Christ commanded.” And they obliged by forming a citizens’ militia underground cell and arming themselves. Their plans, according federal officials, began in August 2008.

“… Some 20-40 percent of the population of the United States tell pollsters that the biblical prophecies about an End Times battle between Godly Christians and the evil forces of Satan predict actual future history. About 10-15 percent of our neighbors say they hope to see the Second Coming of Jesus Christ in their lifetime… Brenda E. Brasher notes that apocalypticism can be constructive or destructive, pointing to the sustaining “role of apocalyptic Christianity among African slaves brought to the United States,” and in the “anti-slavery abolition movements and the Civil Rights movement.” However, if the scapegoated “other” is “constructed as wholly evil, then the ramifications are really horrendous,” warns Brasher. “This is not a disagreement, but a struggle with evil incarnate, so there is no structure for a peaceful reconciliation” in which “people are cast in their roles as either enemy or friend and there is no such thing as middle ground,” Brasher explains, “In the battle with evil, can you really say you are neutral?”…

“I have a shelf of books published in the past 20 years in which right-wing fundamentalists warn of an impending apocalyptic battle pitting Godly Christians against sinful secular elites, those in favor of government social welfare programs, Muslims, New World Order internationalists seeking global cooperation, people working for peace, abortion providers, sinful homosexuals, and many more named scapegoats…

“Why are there so many angry people? The Tea Parties are part of a broad Patriot Movement in the United States cobbled together from several preexisting formations on the political right:

• Economic libertarians who worry about big government collectivist tyranny.
• Christian Right Conservatives who oppose liberal government social policies
• Right-wing apocalyptic Christians who fear a Satanic New World Order
• Nebulous conspiracy theorists who fear a secular New World Order
• Nationalistic ultra-patriots concerned that US sovereignty is eroding.
• Xenophobic anti-immigrant white nationalists who worry about preserving the “real” America.

“These grievances are interacting in a global economy often eager to accommodate corporate interests. And now we add in the fact that an economic downturn that has left millions unemployed or underemployed leaving the largely white, middle-class, Republican Tea Party activists scared that they may be kicked down the socioeconomic ladder next; the election of a “mixed-race” self-identified black man as president at a time when the demographics of the country reflect a growing percentage of people of color, all in the context of the unfinished conversation about race in America; and the disquiet among social conservatives who see abortion and gay rights through the lens of sin and immorality and anguish over the future of the family and traditional gender roles sometimes seen as mandated by God…”

News From Outside The Empire’s Circle Jerk – 16 March 2010

Tags

bastard offspring of the Market, nonhuman animals, Obama, Repent Amarillo

Members of Repent Amarillo, the Grisham family, standing in front of a giant wooden cross on their front porch.

In a fine opinion piece, Chris Floyd points out that war is not a natural act. And he quotes some guy from the first century CE: All who draw the sword will die by the sword. – Yeshua Ha-Notsri, Palestinian dissident, c. 33 CE.

For over a year, a small group of fundamentalist Christian militants calling themselves Repent Amarillo have terrorized Amarillo’s gay bars, swingers, liberal churches, and the Wildcat Bluff Nature Center (the latter believed by Repent Amarillo to be “a Mecca for witches and pagans”), in violent and disruptive protests.

John Minto reckons that the privatization of  that “bastard offspring of the market”, Telecom, has “cannibalised the profitable parts of the economy and left us heavily in debt.” Meanwhile, in another dimension, the Obama State Department tells Venezuela that it must return to free market capitalism.

In “The Lure of The Animal: The Theoretical Question of the Nonhuman Animal” Critical Education 1.2 (2010), Abraham Paul DeLeon challenges the human/nonhuman binary.

And Noam Chomski speaks about Obama’s warmongering and the importance of dissent. Towards the end of the interview, he comes up with this wee gem: “When Obama is praised for opposing the war in Iraq because he thought it was a mistake, we should recognize that to be on a par with Nazi generals after Stalingrad who thought that the two-front war was a mistake. The issue isn’t was it a mistake; it’s whether it’s fundamentally wrong and immoral.”

Lawrence Krauss to Dispel Nonsense, from Creationism to Aliens: Free Public Lecture in Dunedin: Yes, Free!

Tags

creationism, Lawrence Krauss, science

Lecture 1: Science, Non-Science, and Nonsense: From Aliens to Creationism
Monday, 15 March 2010

The distinction between science and fiction and between sense and nonsense has become blurred in popular discourse.

In the United States, in 2008, three Republican Presidential Candidates indicated that they did not believe in evolution and at least one of them indicated he was not willing to come down on the side of an earth that was older than 6000 years old – joining the majority of Americans.

Most recently, the popular debate about the teaching of intelligent design in public schools presents a perplexing quandary for scientists and policy makers. These misconception may affect the teaching of science, but other confusions, about climate change, and nuclear weapons, affect the peace and security of the whole world.

In this lecture Professor Krauss will explore examples from government and the media to explore these issues. He will also address the important issue of what science is, and what it is not.

Date: Monday, 15 March 2010
Time: 5:30pm – 6:30pm
Audience: Public
Location: St David Street Lecture Theatre, Cnr St David Street and Castle Street
Cost: Free
http://www.otago.ac.nz/news/events/otago007286.html

And if you like that one, there’s a second lecture by Dr Krauss the following day, same time, University of Otago College of Education Auditorium.

New Zealand Troops Armed by Fanatical Religious Terrorists (Inc.) – Killing in the Name of

Tags

ACOG, Advanced Combat Optical Gunsight, Afghanistan, crusade, George W. Bush, gun sight, I am the light of the world, Iraq, Jn 8:12, Jn8:12, John 8:12, M16, Major Christian, Major Kristian Dunne, rifle, rifle sight, Trijicon, Wayne Mapp

According to today’s news reports, the United States – the leading force in a criminal invasion of Afghanistan – is supplying New Zealand, British and other fellow invaders with rifle sights which have each been stamped with a citation from the Bible. The Advanced Combat Optical Gunsights (ACOGs) are designed by Trijicon Inc. for the M16 rifle and M4 carbine, and are supplied to the U.S. Government under a $660m long-term contract.

The raised lettering on the rifle sights includes a stock number, which is then followed by the reference, “JN8:12”:

Trijicon Inc. ACOG gunsight stamped "JN 8:12"

“JN8:12” is the standard abbreviation for the Gospel of John chapter 8 verse 12, which reads:

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'”

The gunsight’s makers have used Jesus’ statement that he is “the light of the world” because they believe that Jesus will help soldiers see their enemies so that they can kill them:

“How many times have you lost your target because it was too dark? Or misidentified a friend for a foe? Never again, thanks to Trijicon. The Advanced Combat Optical Gunsight™ (ACOG®), one of several models now standard issue for all Special Forces units, provides “instinctive” target acquisition and increased hit potential in all lighting conditions. In a close-quarter combat situation, or a firefight across a field, our revolutionary self-luminous reticle is clearly visible against your fast-moving target — in even the lowest light… The combination of fiber-optic and tritium illumination provides the ultimate in fast, transitional aiming — regardless of the lighting condition.”
– Trijicon website

Trijicon make a direct link between Jesus proclaiming that he is “the light of the world” (in Jn 8:12) and the “self-luminous” Advanced Combat Optical Gunsight. So it is quite clear that the embossing of the Bible verse was no accident. In fact, Trijicon Inc has a history of mixing Christian love and efficient killing, sponsoring a radio ministry for Christian hunters, called “God’s Great Outdoors“. The phrase in John 8:12, “Jesus is the light of the world” has long been a popular biblical quotation by Christians. So it is understandable that such a biblical passage would come readily to mind for a rifle sight-producing Michigan-based company. Moreover, Trijicon proudly affirms its “biblical” morality as part of its corporate values:

“We believe that America is great when its people are good. This goodness has been based on biblical standards throughout our history and we will strive to follow those morals.”
– Trijicon’s Values, Trijicon website

And, apparently, there ain’t nothing more biblical than the killing of unbelievers. What is more, if you’re a keen Christian hunter or Crusader, you can collect the whole set of biblically encoded rifle sights. Here’s one with 2 Corinthians 4:6:

Trijicon Reflex scope with "2Cor4:6" - Jesus lights 'em up; you shoot 'em down!

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”
– 2 Corinthians 4:6

As reported in the New Zealand Herald, the company have acknowledged that they included the Bible citations deliberately:

“Trijicon admitted to ABC News that the codes were deliberately added to the sights. Spokesman Tom Munson said the inscriptions “have always been there” and said the company has done nothing wrong or illegal by adding them.”

And then Munson went on the offensive. Munson said the issue was being raised by a group that is “not Christian“. Trijicon thinks that the problem will go away if it is pointed out that it only offends whinging unbelievers – whose opinions, obviously, are worthless.

When the biblical citations were brought to the attention of the New Zealand army, they produced their spokesperson – a man named “Major Christian”. Yes, really. Major Kristian Dunne was quick to realize that the biblical citation was a tactical error. Religiously motivated invasions should, after all, be much more covert:

“It’s put us in an uncomfortable situation. We can see how they would cause offence. We are unhappy they didn’t make us aware of it… They didn’t violate any policy but we consider them inappropriate. Everyone has freedoms of religious belief … It also could be used against us by other religions.”

Uncomfortable, huh? I’m guessing probably not as uncomfortable as a round of bullets from a M16 ripping through an Afghani body, guided by the light of Jesus. But Defence Minister Wayne Mapp merely echoed similar weasel words, describing the biblical citation as “undesirable” as they could be “easily misconstrued”: “They send the wrong sort of message. They cause the same problems as putting slogans on bombs,” he said. “We should not be doing anything that might give opponents any propaganda leverage.”

“Propaganda”? “Misconstrued?” Jeez, Wayne, when you pander to the U.S. and send trained killers to support and condone their illegal invasion of Afghanistan – an invasion which the former President and war criminal George W. Bush described as a “Crusade” – don’t you think that the other side might be “construing” the message just fine?

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

Tags

christian, Fundamentalism, gay, The Onion

LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He’s a member of his school’s swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian… [full news story on The Onion, 12 January 2010 ]

Defining the F-Word: Hoffmann on Fundamentalism

Tags

conversion, Evil, extermination, Fundamentalism, fundies, good, holy books, libertarians, martyrdom, neocons, R. Joseph Hoffmann, suicide bombing

Although the word “fundamentalism” is sometimes viewed as a fairly meaningless term of polemic, R. Joseph Hoffmann makes a somewhat light-hearted and entertaining attempt at defining its key elements. Apparently, fundamentalism is all about:

(1) Having a book you think is really, really excellent and which you imagine applies to just about everything:

“Fundamentalists read texts written 1000 years ago as though they were hot off the press.”

(2) Imagining a firm division between the side of good (us) and the side of evil (them).

“To be a fundamentalist is to have the religious equivalent of a teenager’s fear of vampires.”

(3) Having a desire for either self-extermination or homocidal extermination

“self-extermination, a form of martyrdom, is a way in which Christian crazies can vindicate their readings of sacred writ. Homicidal martyrdom is the trademark of Islamic fundamentalists, a much messier way to do business.”

(4) Having an infatuation with converting everybody else

“Pentecostal and charismatic denominations have grown by 37% since 2001; the Churches of Christ by 48%; the Assemblies of God by 68%. (United) Methodists and Northern Baptist by 0%, Jews, -10% and Catholics, through a healthy infusion of Hispanic and Latino votaries, a mere 11%. The undeniable appeal of taking God’s word seriously is unslaked by contemporary life.”

Not bad, but perhaps a bit broad? Those elements could definitely be applied to, say, libertarians and neocons… Ah, sooo. Perhaps not so broad after all…